New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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