well I can't set my house on fire every night
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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