hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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