You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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