I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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