dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
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i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
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Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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