she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They took my balls.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize