I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
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My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
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He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
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