I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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