Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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