So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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