the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize