when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
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