I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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