I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
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He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
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My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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