Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize