If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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ttyl tear gas
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
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Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This is my gift to your gina
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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