I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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