great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize