I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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