Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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