first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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