textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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