maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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