There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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