I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize