Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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