I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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