It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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