i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
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Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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