You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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