you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
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I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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