His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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