What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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