if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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