apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sorry about my life...
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