i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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