if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My ass is underappreciated
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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