ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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