Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies don't puke and tell
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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