Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
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we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
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You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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