your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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