Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
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You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
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Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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