I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize