It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize