i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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