My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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