Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
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If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
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If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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