Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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