I accidentally burped into my bong.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
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i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
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Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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